Do they change?

Pot use, truancy, vandalism, sneaking out at night, theft, running away, verbal abuse, parental assault, underage drinking, lying, skipping school, bullying, creating family turmoil, disrespect of any and all authority, defiant, problems controlling anger, stalking, control issues, vandalism, theft, arson, underage drinking, property damage, possession of stolen property, organized crime, harassment, emotional abuse, lack of respect for opposite sex, lack of respect for rules/laws, and much more........

Okay, people keep trying to tell me that people change, but do they? I believe some people can, and do, change...but not all people. I also believe that it takes alot for some people to change. I mean really change.

It takes being able to recognize certain issues with oneself, admitting to having these issues, and then doing what's neccesary to effect change. A person has to have the ability to be open and honest with themselves and those around them. A person has to open up to outside help and support when neccesary, and has to take responsibility for their own actions, thinking patterns, and circumstances. If a person really wants to change, no stone will be left un-turned, and all resourses will be considered no matter how difficult or humbling. And most of all, a person will change because they want to change, and want to change for themselves first and foremost. However, this takes time, patience, and perserverance.

So, in considering what people have been telling me about a certain person having changed....grown-up, matured, has a different attitude and perspective, and isn't the same person I used to know...vs...reading this certain persons own words, I call BULLSHIT.

Here's the thing.....I've known this certain person since he was 13-14 years old, and by the time this person became 16 years old, he was already out of control. By the time he turned 18 years old, he was sent to prison, and has been there about 16-18 months. He still has about 7 months left to serve on his sentence before he's released on parole.

I sincerely do not believe he's changed regardless of what others keep telling me. His mother believes he's changed, but she hasn't read the things he writes to my daughter which shows that he's keeping things from her, and isn't being honest with her. My daughter believes he's changed, but has only seen him once in the last 5 years, and really isn't mature enough or experienced enough to make that determination. And at the same time he's keeping things from his mother, he's telling my daughter not to listen to his mother because she doesn't know what she's talking about. He's not being honest with either of them, and is already manipulating them. But, she hears what she wants to hear. Actually, they both do.

And that's what he's counting on.

I'm not saying it's wrong to believe in someone, nor wrong to have hope that he's changed. Nor am I saying there hasn't been any change whatsoever. I'm sure that going to prison does tend to change a person in some ways. But whose to say that whatever change that's taken place is permanent and lasting? Whose to say that whatever change that has taken place is the change required to change ones true self entirely? Whose to say that life afterwards will continue to foster his ability to to make further changes?

Nobody really knows what's going to happen once he's released and begins to rebuild his life. Nobody. Not even him. Right now, he's not in a position to promise anyone anything, or to even state how he's going to "prove" himself to everyone. It's simply unrealistic at this point in time, and what inmate hasn't made claims of changing? Who hasn't stood behind bars and barbed wire and not sworn up and down, on a stack of Bibles, or on their mother/grandmother's grave that they haven't learned the error of their ways? Only to get out and go right back into a life of crime?

It's called recidivism.

Besides, going back to a life of crime and possibly going back to prison is NOT the only problem I'm concerned with when it comes to my daughter and this guy. Sure, he could live a crime-free life for the rest of his life, but this still doesn't mean he's changed. It takes alot more than being locked up to change ones core personality and personal issues....the temper, lack of respect for the opposite sex, verbal/emotional/physical abusive nature, dishonesty, control issues, and things of this nature.

Red flags.

Giant, big-ass red flags flapping in the wind. That's what I see. I'm not blinded or baffled by his brilliance and bullshit, and I don't buy into this miraculous change.

I don't see it, no matter how hard I try....with or without the sunglasses.