Secrets, lies and hidden agenda's......

I have a reputation among my friends and family as being a "big mouth" , a "blabbermouth", and a "busybody", at worst. I have a reputation among many of not being able to keep a secret....and guess what? They would be right. I can't keep secrets, but I can keep a confidense, and to me, there's a big difference between the two.

Here's the thing........

As an adult survivor of abuse/sexual abuse, secrets are the last thing I'm willing to abide in, and it doesn't matter who you are...I won't keep your secret. I can't. I just can't. There are some things that shouldn't be hidden and shouldn't be kept from those you love and care about. There are things that need to come out and be layed on the table so they can be dealt with, and worked out no matter how painful they may be. Lies, secrets and hidden agenda's do not promote change and growth, nor do they advocate wisdom and character.

I hate secrets. I do not especially care for those who keep secrets either. Those who think they're pulling the wool over my eyes, hiding things from me, pretending to be honest and truthful, or telling me half-truths are not high on my list of people I want to share in my life. I don't really care for being fooled, or being made a fool of, especially over things that I could actually give a rat's ass about. I'd rather not be told anything than told a pack of lies or some bullshit story.

I'd rather have the truth each and every time, no matter how painful, than fed lies, half-truths and bullshit. It's not what you've done that will push me away or destroy our relationship....it's the lies you tell me that will end it.

I cannot navigate thru life based on lies, secrets and deception. I cannot help you, I cannot help myself, nor can I make the best possible decision based on dishonesty. It's not reality, and anything less than reality is a waste of time and energy. If a person has only lies and deception to go on when trying to make a judgement or trying to make the best possible decision, it's a given that whatever is decided has been set up to fail right from the start. Failure is the only result when given lies.

Lying to me tells me that you cannot trust me to deal with the truth, you do not respect me enough to give me the truth, and would rather humiliate and belittle me by feeding me a boatload of bullshit and call it the "truth". Lie to me, and you are no longer trustworthy. Lie to me, and you have just broken the most important bond in our relationship. Continue to lie to me and it becomes obvious that we do not even have a relationship because all relationships are built on trust. If I can't trust you...we don't have a relationship, period. It's that simple.

As an adult survivor of sexual abuse/abuse...I refuse to keep anyone's dirty little secrets ever again. I refuse to participate, I refuse to volunteer to be a victim, I refuse to live in the shadow's of someone else's hidden agenda, I refuse to live in darkness ever again.

I refuse to live a life of no substance, and I do not believe that "ignorance is bliss" except to the liar.