Letting go......

I know I have to "let go" and I've always known it. It's just that I didn't expect to have to do it like this, and I really wish things were different. It breaks my heart to know that this entire situation is causing division within our entire family, and that she has to endure alot of flak for her decision to move away. It's not the "letting go" senario I imagined we'd have when it came time to send her out on her own.

I imagine she must feel pretty alone right now, since not too many people have been very supportive of her, or her decision. I imagine she really needs and wants her friends and family to be there for her and to support her, but we haven't been. I suppose it must make her feel sad to know that we're not on her side, and frustrated that she has to fend off our questions, comments, and doubts.

I suppose with all the opposition she's getting from her friends and family over this, those who're encouraging her to move and welcoming this move might seem like the only people she can count on or who cares about her. I guess in some ways, it's probably pushing her towards them even further.

I found out that she plans to move before her 21st birthday, and I'm pissed about this too. I've been thinking about this birthday for quite awhile and trying to figure out what cool thing we could do to celebrate it with her. I've been looking forward to it for along time, and now I find out she won't even be here for it. This just really sucks.

I think what makes alot of this hard to deal with is that it's all happening so "suddenly".....within just a short month or so, I'm expected to just accept her decision to leave. I'm supposed to just accept that she's moving away and that she may never come back. I'm supposed to just accept that I won't see her everyday, or be a part of her life, or talk to her whenever I want, or hang out....or be together for holidays, birthdays or share special occassions. I'm just supposed to accept that she's not going to be part of my life anymore......and as selfish as it sounds, I'm having a hard time dealing with that on such short notice.

Yes, I really wish things were alot different, and that the circumstances regarding such a major change in all our lives were alot happier for all of us. I wish I could be more supportive for her, and feel that letting go was a good thing. I wish I could be happy for her.

I truly do.